Living Bipolar - Sleep Paralysis

Last night I slept like crap. Seeking reasons and blame, hoping to rectify the situation by tonight, I begin pointing fingers.

OK, fan. You moved back and forth all night. Although happy to be cooled by you, you freaked me out. Every sweep over my body tickled my face with my hair. You moved my pj's when you whooshed over me and it felt like someone touching me. You jangled the dangling lens-cap on poor video camera who, until recently, did not share our room.

Hence, the second culprit. The sounds you made cap, were unfamiliar to me, I needed reminding every time I awoke.

You, light in the hall, seemed to portent an invader to be revealed at any moment. You may have been the third culprit, but you concealed a fourth culprit; the imaginary intruder. There is always an imaginary intruder.

Then, culprit number five, the ring-leader; the dreaded sleep paralysis.

"Sleep paralysis consists of a period of inability to perform voluntary
movements either at sleep onset (called hypnogogic or predormital form) or upon
awakening (called hypnopompic or postdormtal form).
Sleep paralysis may also
be referred to as isolated sleep paralysis, familial sleep paralysis, hynogogic
or hypnopompic paralysis, predormital or postdormital paralysis."
Source: http://www.stanford.edu/~dement/paralysis.html

All of you, fan, lens-cap, and light in the hall, coupled with an inability to move or communicate are frightening, sometimes terrifying. I have, in the past, tried to use any energy I might have to roll back and forth and flail. I have throatily groaned what, to me, sounds like my husbands name. Once in a great while it works. I make enough "noise" and my fingertips actually touch him. The times that it doesn't work are usually because he's not in the room and I am napping.

Last night I could not break free. Somehow, I would get back to sleep only to jerk awake and go through the whole experience again and again.

This morning, upon preparing to take my morning meds, I noted an Ativan remaining in yesterday's organizer. I remember choosing not to take it last night. My reasoning was that I was not feeling anxious but was felling tired. I didn't think I would need it. Famous last words of many bipolar patients.

Thus the culprit has been outed, and it's me. Not the Ativan. Me, because I chose non-compliance to the twice-a-day regimen. I am to blame. It will not happen again, well maybe it will.

Pizza Hut's "The Edge Pizza" Should Be Shoved Off Of A Cliff

It's called "The Edge Pizza". Maybe the Hut down the road is not yet trained in "toppings to the edge" technique.

What is wrong with Pizza Hut? That new "crustless" pizza is disgusting! The "crust" is as thick as a graham cracker and tastes like an unsalted saltine. There's barely enough food in the pizza to feed a person. The toppings don't reach the edge so technically it still has crust. It looks like it cost under 3 dollars yet was more than 10. DON'T WASTE YOUR TIME, and their pastas can go straight into the trash!

A Sermon From The Ambiguous Frog – Within Sense

Proverbs 1:1-7

1 The proverbs of Solomon son of
David, king of Israel: 2 for attaining wisdom and discipline; for understanding
words of insight; 3 for acquiring a disciplined and prudent life, doing what is
right and just and fair; 4 for giving prudence to the simple, knowledge and
discretion to the young- 5 let the wise listen and add to their learning, and
let the discerning get guidance- 6 for understanding proverbs and parables, the
sayings and riddles of the wise. 7 The fear of the LORD is the beginning of
knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and discipline.

Some things you just know. This is not “common sense” it is found within sense. A type of memory deep inside, rooting indefinitely back in time.

I know I have been here before, as a conscious participant. I know God is real. I know Jesus is the way to His Father. I also know that Jesus is the way to His Mother too.

I do not believe that our planet has been here for eons yet I have been here for merely one human lifetime. This can only mean, worthy or unworthy, we are physically "born again".

Spiritual birth, on the other hand, may well begin with understanding and identifying with Jesus on an emotional level. Have we not felt forsaken, only to find that we were watched over during our own tribulations? When we can empathize and identify with Jesus we are spiritually born. As we spiritually mature, we are spiritually born again and again. Whenever we reach an epiphany, we are reborn. If we have moments where we see the road we travelled, with all of it's possible detours left behind, and we stand where we know we were meant to stand, we have just been spiritually reborn.

When I was a child, I was shocked, mortified, angry, and in tears when I watched Jesus getting crucified in a movie. I could not understand why his disciples didn’t do something! I believed inside my soul, I knew, if I had been there, I would have tried to stop the insanity. I was spiritually born that day.

Knowing Jesus may still be the way to his father. Back in Jesus' day, and soon thereafter, the mass media didn’t exist. Many people didn’t know of God, until Jesus spoke of God.

When we open our hearts and lives to Jesus, becoming "born again", it is spiritual and we can feel his love and protection. This spiritual birth brings understanding of His Love for His Son, and for us. When we feel it and we know it, we can have undoubting faith in Him. Jesus helps us build our faith in His Father.

What of His Mother though? Is Jesus not also the way to His Mother? Isn’t Her heart a compassionate heart? Don’t we share in empathy the compassion she must have felt to watch her son die on the cross? She loved her son. She knew and understood his plight and fate. Jesus' Mother has not been “feared” as much as The Father. Is She the compassionate side of God. Is she not the Wisdom behind the Power?

Within my sense I know that The Lord’s Mother is as important as The Lord’s Father.